Observationalist

Sense Vs's Craving...

2007-02-22T23:45:14Z

My craving to get my lip pierced has just returned with a vengance! I don't think this is probably a good thing, the sensible thing to do is just say no...but I really want to know what it feel's like...

Sense

2007-02-08T22:56:31Z

Lately, I've started writing things for this here journal, but I go around in circles and end up writing completley opposing things, but I mean everything I say and I end up not posting it because it sounds like a load of rubbish, like I dont know what the hell I'm talking about. Is it suprising I can't work out what I want from life, or what to do at the moment with the decisions I have, when I can't even write a few paragraphs without making a tangled mess. I wish I could get out of my head and just think about one thing at a time, and make sense of it all.

Mutilation.

2007-01-12T21:34:47Z

Today I got accused of mutilating my body, I'm more than willing to accept this argument, and would be genuinely interested in having a conversation with someone who held the opinion that piercing's/ tattoo's etc. are wrong, not so I can shout them down but because I'd like to hear another perspective. But this person, looked at me like an idiot, told me that i'm mutilating myself then pretty much refused to speak to me with the remainder of my time with them...in fact they went and shut themselves in another room. The thing that sort of bugs me is that this person has their ears pierced, and when i had the "conventional" ears pierced that most girls tend to have done it was all fine, but other ear piercings or piercings elsewhere on my body count as mutliation? what's the difference? How is the top of my ear any more sacred to some people than the bottom?

I'm not trying to attack another viewpoint to mine, because in the past i've considered having tattoo's but put the idea on hold because skin and our bodies are totally amazing as they are, I wasn't sure if I wanted to mark it forever, but at the same time...it's mine and i'd kind of like to decorate you know?!

Any opinions?

Science.

2007-01-05T16:51:21Z

I've just been reading an article on newscientist.com, and I'm slightly baffled. Its the usual case of not understanding why certain research is funded...sort of like the "How do we make lumpless custard", but on a somewhat larger, and more concerning scale.
At this moment, a project started at the Uni of Idaho is seeking out the DNA sequences that are so lethal they don't actually exist, and would be completely incompatible with life. I don't really see the point, it wouldn't be so bad if the research was going to be used in some way to assess methods of helping with other sequences that do present themselves that are related to ill heath or something, but thats not the point of this research... it seems they simply want to find the sequences that would be really bad. The justification for this (and I quote) : "Further down the line there is the possibility of constructing a "suicide gene" to code for deadly amino acid primes. It could be attached to genetically modified organisms and activated to destroy them at a later date if they turned out to be dangerous, Hampikian suggests."... ethical and ohh so useful. I'm not going to start ranting about the total wrongness of this because I would be here too long and probably turn into an incoherent babblefest, all I'll say is humans think they are way too important sometimes.

Windswept

2006-12-31T17:20:20Z

Shoop shoop matey's. Happy New Year and all that jazz.

I've had a pretty cool day...must have walked a good few miles in the woods and along the beach at Holkham, the weather was pretty good and it was a cool day, I'm knackered now though, and more than a little windswept! I found a little japanese kanji thing on the beach, I'm not sure what it means yet but I might try and look it up and take it as an omen for the new year!!! I know it sounds pretty stupid, but oh well...I guess I just must be a little bit dumb. I'm to curious to not at least try to find out what it means!

Keep smiling! Troll*

Unisex Chickens.

2006-12-31T01:50:36Z

Unisex...this concept does not make sense, in terms of the semantics......unisex implies it is for one sex, when in fact we take it to mean both males and females can use/have it, ie: unisex toilets, or a unisex name like jaime or something, I don't know. So it should be unihuman or something. Usually I'd be complaining at people making a fuss about terms like that, but this time I sense something funny is going on, so I'm thought I'd let the world know.

In other news...It concerns me that an old couple, who received a hamper as a wedding gift, proceeded to eat a can of tinned chicken from said hamper 50 years later as part of their anniversary celebration... and as far as I know, neither ended up ill. I deduce either tinned chicken in fact contains no chicken AT ALL, or they just made people different in those days, because I sure as hell would have been feeling ill if I'd undertaken such a feat. Most likely it is a combination of both.

Prickles of excitement...

2006-12-23T18:11:14Z

Supposedly Nigella Lawson doesn't understand or appreciate people suggesting she is sensual and all that when she is cooking, apparently she doesn't understand how anyone could possibly get this impression from watching her cook. Well today I ended up watching a few minutes of her show, and although she didn't do anything for me, may I suggest that coming downstairs in nothing but a loosley tied robe and saying "right...let's get down to it" is possibly not the best of moves, nor is doing some cooking and then exclaiming..."well, I suppose I should go and put some clothes on". Furthermore discussing her "prickles of excitement" and how everyone will soon be "coming together" while pouting and discussing how "sensual" everything is could also give the wrong impression...
Of course she has NO IDEA where people got the idea she was trying to make it more sensual at all. Maybe it was all just in my mind (which, if that is the answer, is obviously very dirty).

Just a thought...back to the wrapping of presents I go.

"What I am to you...is not real"

2006-12-21T21:57:23Z

A few weeks ago I brought Damien Rice's album "O", its a pretty good album in my opinion...perhaps a little dangerous sometimes- its hardly the most cheerful of sounds. The song "Volcano" resonates with me, not so much in terms of what I think the songwriter was feeling or trying to get across when it was written, but the lines "What I am to you, is not real" always seems to jump into my mind and generally get me thinking. There's so many people who have completely the wrong idea of me; people I care about, members of my family and people I have nothing to do with anymore, I don't really care when it comes to what people think of me- sometimes it might get me down for a while but ultimately its not going to make me change anything (unless of course I feel they have a valid point- I'm not so stubborn as to not recognise a change for the better!).

Some people think I'm way better than I am (not trying to be modest or look for validation or anything in saying that!), I've done good things for them admittedly but there's a definete element of the rose tinted glasses sometimes. Some people think I'm way worse than I am, people I went to college with who thanks to some pretty crazy times there ended up being turned against me for things I didn't even do. There are people who think I'm way more of a loser than I am, in high school its fair to say I wasn't the coolest kid, and I know that all that time ago its not important and people I knew then who I no longer know are hardly important either, but I just sort of wish they could see how I turned out, you know?... but that's all probably ego or something.

Then comes the family...some of them believe I'm completely incapable and unintelligent I think, which is perhaps the most frustrating of them all, because I know they are wrong, I might be stuck in limbo at the moment, but I'm not going to be here forever! It's most likely whatever I do will never meet their standards, but that doesn't really bother me I'm pretty different from most of my family so it figures they might not "get" some of my choices. Other family members, well one in particular...I have no idea what kind of person they think I am but its seriously not good sometimes! They think I believe death is something to joke about, they think seeing someone really ill and me seeing them being upset by it is something I would laugh at...where the hell does that come from?? I guess part of the problem is that I don't come from a tight knit family, theres not a whole lot of communication going on, so they just haven't had the oppurtunity to see what I'm really like or whatever.

I think some people think I'm way less "together" than I am, like I'm more of a child than I am... for sure I can act immature sometimes, but I know how to get along and put in difficult situations, I know how to get by in them and do alright for myself. With some people I know that actually its just them caring, and there's no way I'm complaining about that, its nice and I'd like to think I do the same. But for other's its just a case of a lack of belief in anything I have/ want to/ will do (but that's getting back to family again so lets not regress).

In some ways I'm good with people, I can get chatting to most people and everything, but I guess the root of what I'm talking about here is I'm not good at trusting people or giving things away about myself. Don't think I'm writing all this as some kind of problem that needs fixing, because it's not, I'm merely observing how so many people have so many ideas about other people and they are so often wrong...it's not suprising really, I can't ever be totally in your head and know how you think or feel, just like you can't be in mine, so how can you ever know who I am. To be fair... it's not completely guranteed I know who I am, but I'm the closest I've got I guess!

Fingerless Gloves.

2006-12-21T00:03:59Z

I'm tired, I should try and go to sleep I know, but I don't want to just end up laying awake with my eye's watering, I'm not trying to be poetic and say I'll cry myself to sleep, its just that almost every night one if not both of my eyes starts to water and its unpleasant... and I can't stop noticing it so it keeps me awake even longer.

Its cold, I'm in bed with the electric blanket on and adorning my fingerless gloves...which I fashioned earlier on with some rather nifty scissor wielding. I am liking how cold it is in a way, because it makes it seem more wintery and thus more like christmas, which I've just been made aware is five days away...it totally doesn't seem so close. I'm going to do my wrapping tomorrow, well I'm going to start at least, I'm slightly pedantic about wrapping so it can take awhile, but it should get me more christmassy. The festive spirit was abound in my house today with mum grumbling continuously about the whole thing, not long ago my step dad was talking about moving out as well, but I'm sure we will play happy families on the day, I'm not trying to sound all woe is me-esque in this post, although it is sounding like it, I think it will actually turn out to be a pretty good day, it ususally does.

I've just been looking around on facebook, I've tried to set up an account thing but I'm not sure if I'm going to bother with it. I did notice that they rather kindly wrote "you haven't added any friends yet" as opposed to "you don't have any friends" which would have been in keeping with the other tabs (i.e: You dont have any photo's etc).

I have some proper thoughts wandering around in my brain tonight, but I think I'm too tired to successfully put them across right now...

With kind thoughts until the morrow, T.

Randomness

2006-12-16T23:08:17Z

I've found a dangerous website selling circus type equipment, I'm not buying anything now but after Christmas I could be making some slightly frivolous purchases. I really want to join the circus society at the UEA, I’m gonna make a list of stuff to do in 2007 and that’s going to be on it (new years resolutions don’t work but a list of things to do seems likely to be a good idea!). I want some glowing juggling balls, a unicycle, and poi looks wicked cool too... although giving me an excuse to play with fire, well not the best idea with my track record! As for the list, travel as always is on there! Do the rock climbing course, surf, buy some bongo's, get me some guitar lessons, I want to experience tequila slammers, find me a googlewhack (look back a few posts! lol).

Random fact: There’s a chap who is currently trying to sue Arm & Hammer, he claims the company is liable because: “The company failed to warn him that if he cooked up THEIR PRODUCT, baking soda, with cocaine, he might end up serving a 200-month prison sentence on crack cocaine charges.”. He wants $425 million. People are brilliant : S

Found some more random information, which can be found behind the linky thing, I think they're pretty interesting, but thats because right now I don't have much to do... if you've got a few minutes to spare then you too can be dazzled by the coincidences, or slightly marvelled by the amount of spare time someone must of had to work out/ find out all the stuff...

1. Mark Twain was born on the day of the appearance of Halley's Comet in 1835, and died on the day of its next appearance in 1910. He himself predicted this in 1909, when he said: "I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it."

2. Morgan Robertson's 1898 novella Futility had many parallels with the RMS Titanic disaster; the book concerned a fictional state-of-the-art ocean liner called Titan, which (like the Titanic) eventually collides with an iceberg on a calm April night whilst en route to New York, with many dying because of the lack of lifeboats. Various other details in the book coincide with the Titanic disaster. Later, she wrote a book, Beyond the Spectrum, that described a future war fought with aircraft that carried "sun bombs". Incredibly powerful, one bomb could destroy a city, erupting in a flash of light that blinds all who look at it. The war begins in December, started by the Japanese with a sneak attack on Hawaii.

3. Claude Volbonne killed Baron Rodemire de Tarazone of France in 1872. 21 years earlier, the Baron's father had been murdered by somebody else called Claude Volbonne.

4. On February 13, 1746, a Frenchman, Jean Marie Dubarry, was executed for the murder of his father. Precisely 100 years later, on February 13, 1846, another Frenchman, also named Jean Marie Dubarry, was executed - for the murder of his father.

6. The British actor Anthony Hopkins [who shot to fame as Hannibal Lecter] was delighted to hear that he had landed a leading role in a film based on the book The Girl From Petrovka by George Feifer. A few days after signing the contract, Hopkins travelled to London to buy a copy of the book. He tried several bookshops, but there wasn't one to be had. Waiting at Leicester Square underground for his train home, he noticed a book apparently discarded on a bench. Incredibly, it was The Girl From Petrovka. That in itself would have been coincidence enough but in fact it was merely the beginning of an extraordinary chain of events. Two years later, in the middle of filming in Vienna, Hopkins was visited by George Feifer, the author. Feifer mentioned that he did not have a copy of his own book. He had lent the last one - containing his own annotations - to a friend who had lost it somewhere in London. With mounting astonishment, Hopkins handed Feifer the book he had found. 'Is this the one?' he asked, 'with the notes scribbled in the margins?' It was the same book.

7. In 1899 a bolt of lightning killed a man as he stood in his backyard in Taranto, Italy. Thirty years later his son was killed in the same way and in the same place. On October 8, 1949, Rolla Primarda, the grandson of the first victim and the son of the second, became the third.

8. A British officer, Major Summerford, while fighting in the fields of Flanders in February 1918 was knocked off his horse by a flash of lightning and paralyzed from the waist down. Summerford retired and moved to Vancouver. One day in 1924, as he fished alongside a river, lightning hit the tree he was sitting under and paralyzed his right side. Two years later Summerford was sufficiently recovered that he was able to take walks in a local park. He was walking there one summer day in 1930 when a lightning bolt smashed into him, permanently paralyzing him. He died two years later. But lightning sought him out one last time. Four years later, during a storm, lightning struck a cemetery and destroyed a tombstone. The deceased buried here? Major Summerford.

If you can't smell you're anosmic.... I think I've managed to impart enough useless but somehow fascinating information for tonight. My work here is done, I bid thee farewell.

Nightmares

2006-12-05T16:40:35Z

I keep having nightmares that I'm sitting my final exams, and all my notes are weird, with modules missing, and theres no time at all, everyone is being as annoying as possible and someone in a not to distant room is blaring out really bad music. I go through all the really bad revision then theres a gap presumambly where Im sitting the exam and then it starts over again. If i wake up, and go back to sleep again I have the same kind of dream, and I wake up with the exact same feeling I used to get when I actually was sitting my finals. Its unpleasant, it certainly makes me wonder why I'm even considering studying again in the future... and is putting me off going to sleep. I'm sure there is a meaning to it, but cant my brain just take it as read that I've realised theres some kind of problem and stop with the visuals?!

Banana's

2006-11-29T21:03:14Z

Can anyone please shed some light on why some people have decided banana's have to be straight? I was talking to someone who said it is now E.U regulation or something? I don't understand this strange request? Is it not rather unfair to the banana's who are being forced to grow in a fashion that is unnatural to them?! I think its wrong...Banana's should have rights too.

People

2006-11-27T21:24:02Z

I don't get people. I was walking through the metropolis of Dereham this afternoon, just going about my buisness not offending anyone or causing any major nuisance (as far as I could tell), when I saw someone I used to go to school with. When I saw him I wasn't really that bothered, he used to be pretty nasty to me at school, well he was until he realised I was just going to keep ignoring him so he might as well save his breathe, so I mean I wasnt exactly overjoyed to see him, but it was no big deal to me. I figured he might not recognise me but apparently he did and the second he saw me he nudged his mate and started commenting about me, about what I was wearing I think. When I was at school one of the things he used to make comments about was how "gay" I was (too which I was always tempted to say "well, kind of a little bit yeah", but fortunately my self-preservation genes kicked in), I got the impression that was what he was saying again today.

I know it could be said I'm being paranoid, I saw an old bully and expected the worst, but I really don't think that is the truth... could have something to do with the way he looked right at me, and got his mate too have a look as well. I don't understand why he felt the need to say anything about me? School was at least 5 years ago for goodness sake, shouldn't he have gotten over making comments about people he doesn't even know by now? I feel I've changed alot since those years, I figured other people would have done too, maybe its because I was someone he used to be a jerk too and so it kind of kicked back in, and he isn't like that with other people anymore, I hope so.

What bug's me the most is that although I don't care what he thinks of me, it keeps popping into my head, he actually got to me, I hate that, that I let it bother me. Its stupid.

So yeah, I don't get people.

Garden State

2006-11-20T22:23:57Z

I can't breathe... I laughed to hard, it seems unfair that sometimes when i laugh, my throat tightens up, I like to laugh but not being able to breathe isn't much fun. Its my own fault, I was doing a rather fetching jig around the living room, only I saw the funny side of it, but as long as I keep myself amused at least I'm not bothering other people.

I Just watched Garden State, I brought it ages ago but hadn't gotten round to checking it out, I liked it, it was kind of choppy in places and quite abit of the time its was a little confusing as to what the hell was going on, but it was nice because it left you floating, there were a couple of occasions when i felt I'd got a grip on it but then something would happen, or someone would say something, and you'd be completely lost again, or if not lost at least somewhere unexpected, I liked that.

At one point the lead character was talking about home, how once you've been away for long enough it doesnt seem like home anymore, and that he missed it. I don't really remember that feeling of "home", I guess at one point when I was younger I must have felt it, but I've lived in quite a few places and in all of those all I can remember is feeling like it was a place where my stuff is, and I'm happy enough there, but i dont think I ever really considered them "Home". What does it feel like? What does "home" mean to you? I should imagine it is quite warm, like that feeling you get when you're with friends and completely relaxed. I don't mind not really considering where i live to be home, I think it makes it easier, I'm probably more likely to get out and visit new places if i'm not tied to one place.

I'm not going to return to my questions of last night, at the end of the day I can talk about it all I want but its not like I'm going to come up with the definitive answer, they were just thoughts. It would be interesting to here other peoples thoughts on the subject though, so if you've got the time...

I'm going to go now, I'm tired and my head hurts. I'm off to my cup of tea and to read the new scientist...gotta stay smart somehow...how much of a geek am I?!

Tired ramblings...

2006-11-19T22:22:11Z

I'm sitting watching CSI:NY, its pretty good, but anyway...there was a track playing in the background of a scence, I'm pretty sure it was a TOOL song, possibly A Perfect Circle, but the band is irrelevant (although I will add both are pretty cool and are worth checking out!). The line that caught my attention, and so inspired these musing went something along the lines of "Whats the rush, everybody's got their time to die", cheerful I know, dont give up on me now though, I'm not trying to be morbid, just thinking about life. It got me thinking about death and stuff, Do you think we all have a time when we are destined to die? I dont know if I believe in fate and things like that, sometimes I say things are fated, but who am i to really know? I used to have a recurring feeling, like a dream but not really, just a belief that when I was 32 I was going to be in an accident with a white car, I havent felt it in a while, I'm hoping that means it was just the whirrings of a slightly messed up and confused kid. I dont know if I'm afraid of dying or if its more that Im afraid I wont live long enough to do all the things i could do or want to do, not that i could tell you what "enough" means.
Im loosing the point of this, I'll try and get it back on track... so i guess there are several ways we could all be "destined" to die, if there is some kind of "higher power" a god, or whatever, i suppose it could be part of a plan, written in some story each of our souls is supposed to play out. Then theres biology, everyones bodies has to run out at some point, so i guess that is the answer to my question, even if there is no theological point at which we are meant to die, biologically there is, but maybe thats not really set out either, theres so many random deviations our cells can make, and so many other things that can happen within our bodies, maybe its nothing to do with a natural "running out" (I'm too tired to think of a better phrase) and so biology doesnt dictate our time at all (in a forward thinking kind of way i mean, of course biology at the actual time is a big factor!).
Maybe it is completely random, in some ways i think i might prefer that, its a little freaky to know that somehow it is known to the universe, but not me when Im going to die; but then Im a human (no sarky responses to this comment if you please!)...and its pretty well accepted that the human mind cant except this is it (no matter what people may well say), that we really are just on this earth and then it ends with no reason or purpose and leads to nothing more; if it is completely random, then does that mean there isnt a purpose to life, if there were a purpose it would figure that the ending wouldnt be random because we might not fulfill it. So maybe there isnt a destined time as such, if we have a purpose then perhaps are "time" is when that is fulfilled, but as much as that makes sense with my previous argument, i dont think thats the answer, too many people nowadays, in our society dont seem to bothered with self improvement or not in the sense i believe to be an actual improvement, people dont seem to think much about why they are put here and what, if there is indeed something, they are supposed to be learning at any given point, not that it necessarily follows our "purpose" would involve improvement or learning; I think I'm running out of steam with this, Im getting my head in a fuzzy place going round and round in circles, hopefully Ive made some kind of sense and not just wasted time writing a bunch of pointless rubbish. Maybe I'll come back to it tomorrow with a clearer head, or maybe you'll be lucky and I wont...lol.

On a entirely different plane of thought...the keys of my laptop are making really bizarre sounds...that can't be good :S

Anyway, Im tired and Im rambling and thats probably not a good mix...plus CSI Miami is now on, and Horatio is too much of a dude to miss, (I sound like some kind of TV obsessed chick...promise I'm not!)

Googlewhack

2006-11-19T17:16:13Z

Recently I read Dave Gorman’s “Googlewhack adventure”. For those of you who don’t know what a “googlewhack” is I refer you to www.googlewhack.com, I’m sure the explanation there is much better than any I could come up with. Most people I have spoken to about this have decided it’s a complete waste of time, I however find it pretty interesting…not interesting enough to travel tens of thousands of miles, I’ll leave that to Mr Gorman, but interesting all the same.
It seems once the idea of “googlewhack” takes hold of some people, it becomes a desire, I WANT to find a googlewhack, I somehow feel that life will be less complete if I can’t hold my hand up and say… “I found a googlewhack”. I recognise this is pretty silly, and I have many more important and worthwhile aspirations in life, but sometimes frivolousness is needed…right?
So I was bored, I had the memory of the book floating about in my mind, I thought now was my time, I felt optimistic, after a few attempts the best I had got was a search producing 44 results, but then along came “chronological nanohazard” I hit the search button…. It brought back one search result!!!!!...but nanohazard isn’t recognised in the dictionary, thus breaking the googlewhack rules (yes there are rules) … Life is full of disappointments.

The search continues.

Live Journal

2006-11-10T11:42:37Z

Ive been contemplating livejournal for a while, but never actually got around to setting one up...so here it is, my contribution to the myriad of blogs and stuff on the web, I dont know how much I'll use it but Im sure there will be enough entries to keep everyone in a pleasant state of boredom, a fantastic distraction from the things we are all meant to be doing, but really would rather not.
My names Trolley, unfortunately its not how I was christened, but its what people call me and I like it better than Michelle, I tend to have many random thoughts, and am not a big self discloser so dont be expecting anything to profound about me! and I tend to come up with bizzare conspiracy theories, so feel free to laugh at my slight neuroticness...just accept that im right :)

Stay cool, speak to you soon!